Driver Facts
Rockgut: once ate a painters canvas, 13 tubes of paint and 3 paint brushes then crapped out a perfect reproduction of the Mona Lisa.
The Stig: once visited The Virgin Islands. Now they are known as The Islands.
Magicman: once took a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head and not only survived but actually showed an increase in intelligence.
Bonebreak: once won an Olympic gold medal in men’s Curling, using his own testicles as the stones.
Burn Unit: once was shot in the ass with a taser gun and didn’t pee his pants.
Two Thumbs: can actually point around corners with his thumbs.
Two Thumbs: is a Grand Master of the One Inch Punch.
Rockgut: holds the track record for most rollovers.
Rockgut: believes that sleeves are an aerodynamic disadvantage.
Thunder: gets groped more in one night than a pole dancer does in a week.
Judy Landshark: can successfully pee standing up.
The Stig: spent 7 years in college and is not a doctor.
Bonebreak: used real training wheels on his motorcycle while learning to ride.
Two Thumbs: has actually eaten a Big Mac in two bites.
Magicman: completed ‘Edward 40 Hands’ in 59 minutes and waited another 30 minutes to go to the bathroom.
Potsie: recently discovered that the pedal on the left is the brake.
The Stig: literally gets sick turning right on a race track.
Two Thumbs: recently proved to have exceptional skill as a road course racer. However none of said skill has transferred to dirt ovals.
Thunder: thoroughly enjoys restoring (repairing) his classic (2001) Ford Escape.
Judy Landshark: believes that “mani’s and pedi’s” help with hand-to-eye coordination. (so does Rockgut for that matter)
Potsie: was so distraught about Oprah quitting at the end of 2010, that he intentionally broke is leg so he could stay home the last two months of the year to watch, blog and cry.
Bonebreak: no longer requires the use of training wheels on his motorcycle. Likewise, he no longer uses his front tire either. He calls it a powered unicycle.
Thunder: likes to spend the racing offseason touring the Asian continent in search of the ancient Chinese secret for going fast and turning left. Unfortunately, he only came home with some form of herpetic bird flu.
Rockgut: likes to spend the racing offseason making dreidels from bacon and watching Fiddler on the Roof.
Judy Landshark: likes to spend the racing offseason studying to pass her drivers license test. She has flunked a record consecutive 3,493 times.
Magicman: likes to spend the racing offseason teaching drivers education. Judy Landshark is his best student.
Potsie: likes to spend the racing offseason having surgical metal placed inside his body and practicing making the “bionic” sound from Six Million Dollar Man.
Bonebreak: likes to spend the racing offseason wishing it was the racing offseason.
Two Thumbs: likes to spend the racing offseason performing Shakespeare at nudist colonies.
Rockgut: has heard many good things about the ‘interweb’ and plans to Google himself in 2011.
Judy Landshark: once while playing softball, stepped up to bat and began chattering, “Hey batter-batter-batter, SaaaWinggg Batter…”
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